Memoirs of a Not-So-Simple Cook
by Janet Wright
Finally, with weary footsteps she crossed her own threshold, only to see absolute wreckage within her co age. Once more, it seems her brothers could not simply help themselves. ere, upon the table strewn with toppled mugs, spilled drink and food that she had prepared earlier in the evening before being called off for that emergency birthin'...were some very loud snoring pigs. At least they should have been born pigs and not her brothers. Judith's life would have been so much easier had they been swine. en, she could have at least had salted pork to last through the winter months. Taking a deep breath, Judith began to set things to right leaving her brothers where they lay. NO sight was to be had of the visitor, yet, there next to the wash tub, sat a cleaned bowl, spoon and mug. Giving clear indication that someone had been by AND had the manners that her brothers clearly lacked. Pouring water into the cauldron, as the soup had been all consumed, and not a bowl le for herself… Judith moved to retire to her own small cot, away from her brothers. If only she could get a few hours of rest, then she could handle whatever was to be thrown her way this coming day.
Not two hours later, eyes wide open as the low sound of the outside world penetrated what had been the fitful starts of a wonderful slumber. Taking in a deep breath, Judith stretched and moved to start her day once more. is day, she was not looking forward to, especially a er the run in with Mistress Howard. Within the hour, the chores were complete, or as complete as they were going to get, and her face washed, clean dress donned upon her body, Judith made her way back out the co age, giving the door a satisfying slam, in hopes of disturbing her rather loud snoring brothers at the table.
The walk was a brisk one towards the Earl's manor house. It was currently in states of being repaired from the decline of the last Earl. Fortunately for her and many others, the kitchens were in wonderful working order, as were other parts of the estate. Making it at least able to keep a certain number of the locals employed, and a goodly portion of the other locals employed refurbishing it. Entering through the back way to the kitchens, Judith gave her greetings, and ducked back off to begin once more chores. Ge ing a bucket, she scooped up some hot water out of the giant copper ke le that was constantly kept lit in order to ensure hot water was always available within the manor house. Quietly as she could, Judith crept up the back stairways to the living quarters of her beetters.
Coming to the Earl's quarters, she li ed her hand and made a small scratching sound upon the door. Unto which, Mister Henry, the Earl's valet, opened the door. A small nod was given, as Mister Henry began to ladle the hot water into a porcelain pitcher. A small curtsy was given from Judith to him. Taking a few more quiet footsteps down the hall, she reached the Machioness's rooms. Once more, scratching on the door, only to have it opened, and a frowning busty woman with a sharp nose, greet her. Judith's le foot automatically took a step back in surprise. Li le black eyes were set in the face as a hand lifted. Judith automatically li ed the bucket as an offering, while ducking her shoulders and head down, as if to cower from a blow that might land upon her head. A snicking sound through her lips of displeasure at the sight of Judith only for a heavy sigh was followed as the dipper went into the bucket to refill the pitcher for Her Ladyship. Once more, Judith dipped down in a curtsy, only to be waved off by the crow of a woman.
As Judith walked down the hall, making her way to the guest chambers, her face carried on an entire conversation with absolutely no sound coming from her. Oh my…If anyone was to see that conversation?? ey would certainly have known her true thoughts of the Lady's maid. Unbeknownst to Judith, there was someone who was observing. As she passed the figure without seeing him, a hand raised to cover his own mouth in an a empt to stifle a laugh that was threatening to bubble up.
The day, she was not looking forward to, especially a er the run in with Mistress Howard.
THE Brotherhood OF THE Crossed Bones
DO SOME GOOD AND HAVE SOME FUN
Ahoy matey and welcome aboard to Quartermaiter Griff's musings. I'll be sharing me thoughts and ramblins about the sweet trade we all so richly enjoy. I can't promise that my words will carry wisdom or inspiration, but you have me affy-davey that every word be from me own head...which is an intererting place when I'm in me cups, so without further ado...Ahoy there, mateys. Pull up a rum barrel (no, the empty one), have a seat and I'll be telling the tale of the legendary Brotherhood of the Crossed Bones.To best tell the story of, to my knowledge, Texas' only active pirate reenactment and charitable organization, one must turn back the sands of time to 2009 in Austin, Texas and the now infamous celebration known as ' Talk Like A Pirate Day'. By thunder, I'll not be covering the specifics of ' Talk Like A Pirate Day' (TLAPD) as any lass or lad who follows the sea should know and participate in that fine celebratory event.The place was Opal Divine's Freehouse, a fine establishment of food and drink that was housed, appropriately enough, in a formal brothel. The owners of Opal Divine's threw a yearly celebration for TLAPD, and at this particular gathering, something monumental was about to occur. Gathered at this foc's'le council was your humble narrator, Quartermaster Anton Griff, as ever was, and a certain bawdy and dangerous pirate captain, Keely 'Keelhaul' Locke. Both of us had recently dropped anchor in New Orleans for the annual PyrateCon celebration (see the March issue) and were enjoying rum and the dulcet melodies of the Jolly Garogers pirate band.“It's a pity”, Keelhaul began, “ That we can't do this more often.”Well into my cups as usual, I blinked at her. Keelhaul is a striking beauty, with long golden tresses, a wicked laugh, and a mischievous twinkle in her eye.“Do what more often?' by Quartermaster Griff Photos by Suzanne C. Grim“Gathering as pirate shipmates, flying our colours, hoisting the grog.” She continued, “We should form a pirate group so we can see each other more often and play pirate.”And with that simple statement, the seed was planted. We knew we wanted the group to be more than just a group of adults dressing, talking and partying like pirates. For us to get any real traction longevity and press, we wanted the group to be a charitable organization, raising money for good causes and doing our best promote the common good. Our flag was designed as a red jawless skull sitting atop crossed leg bones. We chose red, because we gave no quarter when raising funds for our charities and made the skull jawless because while sometimes fierce in appearance we had no bite and meant no real harm.
The Brotherhood truly dropped anchor in Austin, raising literally thousands of dollars and in-kind donations over the years for charity organizations.The Brotherhood of Crossed Bones was officially formed and at the very next Talk Like A Pirate Day, 2010 and we laid out a document for interested crew members to sign aboard and give us their particulars and means of contact. The group grew exponentially and before we knew it, we had a sizable crew of between 25-30 pirates, depending on the way the wind blew. Many local illustrious pirates joined our ranks combining characters and garb from all walks of the sweet trade, from historical to fanciful and from Ren Faire employee to casual pirate fan. Such an amalgamation be providing us with the impressive showing we needed to achieve our goals. The Brotherhood brought together such esteemed pirate notables as Whitebeard Teague, Buccaneer Byron Arrbright, The Dread Pirate Roberts, more than a few Jack Sparrows, Melina De Silva, Jimmie Barbeque, Black Siren, Richard ' The Red' and even Captain Fleabag, (lead singer of the Jolly Garogers whose music heralded the very formation of the Brotherhood.)
Keelhaul Keely assumed the position of captain, and I naturally fell into my role as quartermaster. (I not be aspiring to the lofty position of captain.)Our first campaign was simple enough. We decided to raise money for the Brown Santa organization, a Christmas toy drive held by the Travis County Sheriff 's Department. It was a simple plan of attack; roughly a dozen or so of the crew, walking up and down Austin's Congress Avenue in full garb, with an empty treasure chest, singing shanties and soliciting donations from passersby's. It worked like a charm. Flush with our first success, Keelhaul and I focused our attentions on organizing more and greater charity events with our crew of willing, if not sober, shipmates.The Brotherhood truly dropped anchor in Austin after that, raising literally thousands of dollars and inkind donations over the years for charity organizations. We charted a course to supply swag for groups such as Austin Pets Alive with live swag auctions and burlesque performances, BCRB, the Breast Cancer Resource Center of Texas with live wench auctions, and Make A Wish Foundati on with two of our members rappellin g down a skyscrap er in Downtow n Austin! The Brotherhood even formed a limited partnership with the Austin based Pyrate Energy Drink , and appeared at various events to promote the drink in exchange for large donations to our favorite charities.
To this day, we still host our own yearly gatherings for TLAPD at various venues in Austin, always raising money for charity groups and worthy causes.
In addition, for over ten years now, the Brotherhood of the Crossed Bones has appeared in the Texas Independence Day Parade, marching up Congress Avenue to the Texas Capital, and in 2020, appeared aboard our very own pirate ship float secured by crew member, Dread Pirate Roberts.Most recently, the Brotherhood once again got into the Christmas spirit at the Chuy's Children Giving to Children Parade, benefiting operation Blue Santa arranged by crew member Melina De Silva.Organizationally, The Brotherhood of the Crossed Bones operates very much like a traditional pirate crew. I penned articles based loosely on the articles of Bartholomew 'Black Bart' Roberts that all members must sign (round robin style around the edge of the document). These articles detail our mission, the expectations to follow commands by the captain during engagements (aka fundraisers) and specifying the democratic nature of the crew. Positions are voted on by everyone such as coxswain, gunner, musician, ship's carpenter, ship's artist (aka navigator) first mate and yes, even captain. Anyone can put themselves up for the position of captain, which is voted on by crew, and if decided the black spot is tipped and the former captain joins the crew and a new captain assumes the mantle. The captain of the Brotherhood can put forward ideas for engagements, announce gatherings and plan for yearly events, but the crew, through the voice of the quartermaster, has a voice and a vote as well.The position of quartermaster, by the way, is mine and mine alone as befitting with my station and ambitions.The position of quartermaster, by the way, is mine and mine alone as befitting with my station and ambitions. Besides, no one else in the crew knows all the shanties. Heh. Pirates.Alas, in keeping with our code, our first captain, Keelhaul Keely was tipped the black spot and a new captain, Captain Byron Arrrbright assumed command. Fear not, Keelhaul is still a proud and active member of the group she herself helped to form.
The Brotherhood of the Crossed Bones has grown to a membership of 307 rogues, scallywags, privateers, buccaneers and pirates. We've been sailing on the Book o' Faces since 2011, and welcome any and all to our cause to do good, and have fun. Drop anchor and have a look around, and even if ye not be in Austin, proper, we welcome all to join us for piratical fundraising events.Simply set a course for 'The Brotherhood of the Crossed Bones' in groups.Keelhaul Keely Locke, (now Keely Locke-Schumacher…married to a fine pirate and brotherhood member by the name of Carpenter Jay Bierkrug ) confided in me, not too long ago, that her intention all those years ago was really never to form a charity group.She told me, “I really just wanted to have an excuse to gather as pirates and drink more.”Well, it be too late to alter course now, Keelhaul!Heh. Pirates.
